I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
