Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
