Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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