I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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