You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize