Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize