And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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