he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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