Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
