you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
