Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
