see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
