I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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