we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
