Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
