i love accidental penises.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
