haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
