Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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