I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
