you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
