Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
