Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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