This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
