can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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