why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
