why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize