I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
