I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
