He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize