once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
