I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
