I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
