Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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