____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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