i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
