You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
