I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
