I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
