I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm always down for nudity.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize