What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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