Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize