apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two words: eviction party
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
