ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
