these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
