I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will pee on everything he values.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize