remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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