you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
