I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
