So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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