i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
