Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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