he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
