I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize