Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
