At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize