Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
