Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
