it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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