Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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