even my farts smell like vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
