Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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