In the future we'll all be gay
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
