What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
