You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
