All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
