I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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