I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
