please come you make the beer taste better
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize