I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
