at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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