what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
