No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
